Duty Before Heart
by fanfictioner22
Summary: When Temari makes a different choice and leaves behind her heart and a broken Nara.


He dreamed of the desert.

He dreamed of magnificent dunes turning a fiery gold under the mighty fire of the sun. He dreamed of the clear blue waters of a small oasis, the fresh water a blessing against the exhilarating heat. He dreamed of the soft white sand under the hanging full moon with the chilly night breeze.

But mostly, Shikamaru Nara dreamed of exotic blue-green eyes with hair the very color of the sand she lived on.

* * *

 _Nothing good ever lasts._

 _Though I wish this did._

* * *

Among the many deer in the Nara forest, a little fawn with large eyes and small white dots was Shikamaru's favorite. The fawn was an oddball with the coat several shades lighter than the usual brown, and it was that exact shade of color that attracted the Nara clan head. One could have called it blonde, rather sand like, and it was a color Shikamaru _missed_ and _loathed_ so much.

There were some days that he couldn't get enough of petting the woodland creature and expecting to feel granules of sand under his calloused fingers instead of fur.

And there were some days when he gripped his kunai tightly and almost, _almost,_ dyed the damned thing red. Red was a thousand time better if it meant that he'd stop recalling the sweet and agonizing memories.

* * *

" _I refuse to lose everything I worked hard to build." The blonde declared her tone firm with finality._

 _Intense ebony eyes glowed under the faint light of the full moon. "Temari –"_

" _No, Shikamaru. I won't change my mind. Do you have any idea how hard it was for me? To earn the respect of my people? Not as the sister of the maniacal demon host or the eldest daughter of the Kazekage but as Temari the kunoichi?" she stumbled to a halt, her emotions churning, her eyes pricking with angry, frustrated tears. Temari cursed herself for showing weakness and cursed once more when she leaned into the warm palm on her cheek, wiping her wayward tears._

" _You won't be alone this time Temari," Shikamaru said softly, brushing away another tear. "I'll be right by your side, always. So please, stay with me here, in Konoha."_

 _The blonde broke free from the familiar hands and took a few steps back. She also ignored the hurt expression in Shikamaru's eyes. The shadow user clenched his knuckles hard, rejection seizing his lungs painfully._

 _Shikamaru's heart clenched with every beat and the shadow user was beyond pissed when he couldn't find the faintest trace of regret in her beautiful eyes._

* * *

He kept his eyes on the view and that was no hardship because Shikamaru can stare for hours at the desert landscape that altered every minute under the fading light. The area he picked for camping is rocky but it will give better protection against the poisonous habitants of the desert. Crescent dunes raised ahead of the Nara, dark under the setting sun. The sceneries beauty held Shikamaru captivated until the sun dipped behind a mound and darkness quickly spread over the desert.

The Nara fell in love. First with the country; the contrast between stunning beaches, and the wild beauty of the ever changing dunes. He loved the soft sand under his feet, he loved the harsh habitat, and he loved how bright the stars were at night with no vegetation to hide their true beauty.

And second, he fell in love with a girl. Just as the desert; breathtaking, dangerous, wild and very much unpredictable. Both she and the desert were so alike that Shikamaru couldn't imagine one without the other.

And in moments like these Shikamaru would understand her choice. Just a tiny bit.

* * *

 _Blue-green eyes darted around, anywhere but on the seething tanned man._

" _For someone so prideful you're rather a coward." Shikamaru spat the words. He felt extreme joy and smugness when her eyes narrowed dangerously._

" _Careful with your words Nara," Temari growled while taking a step back. The blonde felt trapped, the enormous trees were like the bars of a cage and she couldn't see the door to her freedom._

 _Her words and skittish behavior only fueled Shikamaru's anger. He cursed, something Temari heard him doing rarely and swallowed nervously._

" _Words? Nothing I'll say is gonna change your mind you, troublesome woman. So why should you care what I say?"_

 _The blonde straightened her spine and cleared her throat awkwardly. "Good that the message is finally gone through that thick skull of yours."_

" _I can give you everything I have and even then, it wouldn't be enough would it be?" he asked hollowly, the venom from seconds ago completely gone. Acceptance weighed down on his shoulders and Temari had to root herself with chakra, or she would have darted towards him._

* * *

She dreams of the forest.

She dreams of the tall green trees with sturdy branches and fragile leaves, looming around her like silent guardians. She dreams of sunny afternoons dozing under a magnificent Hashirama tree, the slight breeze rustling the many leaves above her and making them dance to nature's tune. She dreams of the rich soil under her bare toes, slightly damp, from the recent rain and she inhales the scent of wildflowers, rain, and life. With chirping birds, delicious hares and a howling wolf, the forest is so full of life, opposite of her bare golden dunes.

She dreams of a tanned boy with gravity defying hair and a lazy smirk, feeding a graceful deer and he _fits_ as if the forest and the deer are where he should be. Temari feels the pull, _the craving,_ of wanting to be a part, just like he is and she suspects she could if she tried hard enough.

But, no matter how tempting her dreams –or reality– are, Temari adamantly admits that the desert is where she belongs and where she'll stay.

* * *

" _So you don't care that I lo-"_

" _Don't you dare!" Temari cried, sucking in a shaky breath. "Don't you dare finish that sentence, Shikamaru."_

 _His gaze glittered and under the sweep of thick dark eyelashes, something dangerous lurked in his eyes. "And why is that Temari? Are you afraid that three simple words can make you stay?"_

 _Hot emotions threatened to overwhelm her but Temari stood her ground. "You have no idea -"_

" _Then tell me, Temari, what isn't good enough for you?" and before she could dart away, Shikamaru dragged the shaking blonde into his arms. Temari pushed against him, tried to escape but he held her. Temporarily defeated, the blonde turned her face into his hard chest, clutched him with her fist. Angry tears leaked down her cheeks._

" _Why are you making this harder? You stupid, lazy, crybaby -"_

 _Shikamaru tightened his arms around her and let her went out, her anger, her frustration, her fear._

 _Everything was racing out of control. She was tired, frustrated and confused and so many other things that she couldn't even name them all. Temari wished this to be easier. Normal. She wanted normal._

* * *

There is one thing that bothers Temari about her home. It's not the assaulting heat or the occasional stand storm or even the constant granules in her hair –and underwear–

It's the fact that there is not a single thing that obscures her vision. The blonde can unwillingly and always see the clouds without trouble and it angers her how her chest aches at the sight of innocent floating white fluff.

It brings bitter memories of a small hill with an ancient oak tree and a tanned dark haired boy with hooded eyes and a lazy smirk, laying comfortably under its shade with a picnic basket near his feet.

* * *

" _Give me a change," the Nara begged. "I can make you happy."_

 _Slowly she turned her head to look at him, her gaze resting on the strong hopeful lines of his handsome face. "I know you can."_

" _Then why-"_

" _Because I love my freedom more."_

 _Her words were greeted by a prolonged silence._

 _Just when it was becoming awkward, she breathed deeply and pushed him away. Shikamaru let her. "I'm not wife material, Shikamaru. And I belong to the desert, to the kunoichi life. Sitting at home, cooking and cleaning all day… that's not my thing."_

 _There was a hard humorless slant to his smile and Temari left a quick kiss over them before her rational side could stop her. Her lips tingled and she ached for another kiss._

" _Goodbye."_

 _Temari turned and hurried out of the forest as fast as she could, aware of the heavy gaze fixed on her retreating back._

 _Warm tears dripped down her eyes when she heard the words carried by the wind._

" _I love you and goodbye."_


End file.
